Perth Voice Interactive

“SO many people have seen my butt in the past year. At least 50.”

Some might think it’d take courage to talk about problems related to your nether regions, but actor Annabel Maclean reckons sharing the nightmarish tale of her pilonidal cyst is “hysterical”.

“It’s weird, it’s just an ingrown hair in your arse crack. It’s like a giant golf ball of pus.”

Maclean says the ailment that causes a cyst to form and fill with pus near the tailbone is weirdly common but no-one ever talks about it.

“I know five people who’ve had it,” she says, and since she went public “more people have come out”.

The cyst interrupted her move to Canada, where she’d hoped to pursue acting in Vancouver (the Hollywood of the north due to tax breaks). She’d saved for a year to get over there, but needing a second bum surgery brought her back on an uncomfortable transcontinental flight where she wasn’t able to even tilt her chair back for fear of angering the cyst.

She couldn’t sit for weeks and nurses had to pack the gaping hole in her crack with gauze to keep it draining and not seal up. She also had to choose between scary surgery options, such as “the butt flap operation”.

“It’s basically where they cut out the skin in your arse crack, the entire arse crack, they cut it out then they get the skin from your right butt cheek and flip it into your arse crack and use skin grafts to put more skin in your butt cheek.”

She didn’t go through with that one.

While it’s put a dampener on her Canadian acting career (where she’d nabbed a role as a redshirt extra for the new Star Trek flick and got to watch Idris Elba stomping around set), she has parlayed the horrific seven-month ordeal into a stage show: Pain in my Ass, her first at Fringe which tells the disturbing and frank tale.

“It’s a massive blow to your self confidence… not being able to exercise and just feeling gross,” Maclean says.

And while many people find it icky, Mr Cysty has, oddly enough, brought her closer to her boyfriend.

“He has been amazing. He was packing my cyst for a few weeks there. I was itching myself like a baboon, there was a lumpy disgusting red rash. He had to deal with that, not to mention not being able to have sex for a long time.

“He’s moved to Canada with me, he’s moved back with me, he’s my number one supporter. He’s put up with a lot!”

And, her butt surgeon’s agreed to come along to see the show.

Pain in my Ass is at Babushka Leederville (upstairs from Bills Bar & Bites) January 22, 23 and 24 at 7pm, tickets from http://www.fringeworld.com.au

by DAVID BELL